Money and Relationships

Have you ever let money ruin a friendship?


Liam at Disneyland
You kiss your mom with that lying little mouth of yours?
Meet my nephew Liam, he is a liar. Over the past few days I have taken him to Disneyland. He is out visiting with my sister and it was his first time visiting the Magical Kingdom of $4 churros and never ending lines. On the first day as we walked by a delicious smelling churro stand he pointed to it and said that he wanted one. I asked him if he even knew what it was.. Ha! Silly me, kids remember churros better than they can remember my dog that becomes their best friend every time they visit.

Anyways, apparently he "conveniently" forgot his money at home that day. So I made a deal with him, I told him I would buy all the churros that day that his teeth could handle before they rotted out of his little head, but that he would have to buy them for me the next day. He agreed faster than Pinocchio's nose grew on donkey island, that stone cold little liar didn't even hesitate. And I must say, his rotten little teeth sure can take a lot of sugar, after 4 churros throughout the day I was looking forward to not having to pay the next day.

But when the next day came around, he seemed to have conveniently forgotten his money again! "Okay" I said, "I'll spot you one more day but you have to pay me back. I'm not some peer to peer lender." And once again he nodded his head and grinned at me like the Grinch about to steal something, little did I know that it would be my money... Again.



If I super size the "Combo Meal" do I get cotton candy?
By the time the trip was over I'm not even sure I remembered the exact amount of his tab... But it didn't matter, I talked to his mom later that day and apparently the freeloader doesn't even make any money! He barely even cleans up his toys, he has no job, and doesn't even have an allowance. And apparently Liam made some similar deals with his grandma and grandpa over a new Buzz Lightyear action figure. But his grandparents are suckers, they let him pay it off in hugs. But I'm no sucker, what can a hug get me? Happiness?


Have you ever been owed money from a friend? Did you let it ruin a friendship? Do you have limits to how much you lend people?

12 comments:

  1. I don't mind loaning small amounts to close friends or colleagues - small as in nothing more than £10 as I know I will always get paid back.

    I once loaned just under £60 to a friend I was sharing a house with while I was a student. She told me that she didn't have enough to pay the rent and obviously I wanted to help out. It was only by chance that I mentioned this to another girl who lived in the house and she said she too had loaned money to the friend. What we found out later was that the money loaned was used to buy drugs...I eventually got my money back but after that, she was no longer a friend of mine. Cheekily, she did ask to borrow from me a second time and of course, this time I said no!

    Today, if a close friend were to ask for a loan then I would probably make the money a gift. My friend would only be asking for the loan because they were desperate and needed the money but I know that lending can destroy friendships. I would probably try to help in other ways, ie look at their debt situation and help them make a plan to pay it off.

    Your article however refers to being owed money not from a friend but from family, ie your nephew.

    Well, loaning to family is totally different to loaning to friends. My family? If my sister asked to loan money and I was able to, I would always say yes. Loans in our family have always been paid off (yes, even loans from my parents) as everyone will know about the loans and no one is allowed to forget!

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    1. It's not that I don't expect to get money back when I lend it, but I wouldn't lend it if I couldn't afford to not get it back. I've never had a situation like that with coworkers, perhaps it would be something like, I'll buy the next round of drinks or something like that.

      With friends it really starts to depend on the friend and the amount that they need. I've only lent out a significant amount of money once. It was over $600 and while it wasn't an amount that I wouldn't be able to get by without it was an amount that I wanted to get back. I didn't like having to "remind" this friend about his debt and I think that was the most awkward part about it but I eventually got paid back.

      I've actually never had family ask to borrow money, but I'm sure that I would help if the situation ever arises. I'm also sure that I would treat that money as more of a gift than a loan just because it was family.

      As for my nephew, getting paid back in hugs is good enough for me.

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    2. I guess all families are different. I have friends who have fallen out with family members over unpaid loans between themselves. You're right about the 'only loaning what you can afford to lose', hence if I loaned a significant amount to a close friend, I would make it a gift and assume that I was not going to get paid, to avoid the grief of having to chase down the debt.

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    3. I value relationships more than I value money. I would hate for something like money to get in between me and the people that I care about. But I probably wouldn't loan to that person ever again if they needed the money.

      It's all about knowing what's important to you, when you know what really matters to you then the rest doesn't matter as much.

      http://www.work-to-not-work.com/2013/11/does-whats-important-to-you-change-your.html

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  2. Doesn't your nephew know how bad his churro debts can affect his credit score??

    I'm fine loaning money to friends or family as long as I'm comfortable not getting paid back. If it was an amount I couldn't afford to lose, I'd be honest and just tell them I couldn't spare it right now.

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    1. Bee,

      Haha yes, his churro line of credit may be cut off soon if he doesn't do something about it.

      I feel the same way about loaning out money, if I can't afford to not get it back then I won't loan it out.

      -Zee

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  3. I have a friend who is also loaning money from me, but I don't let that ruin our friendship. But yeah, I have my limitations. But thankfully, once I ask for the money that I lent to him, he pays the money that he borrowed.

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    1. Hey Hannah,

      I'm glad you don't let money get in the way of your relationships. The way I view it, you can always make more money but it's not as easy to make new relationships and memories.

      -Zee

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  4. This was hilarious!
    First ~ I want a churro....they are not that popular in the Midwest so I'll have to settle for fried dough
    Second ~ Collect 8% interest and give him the bill on his 16th Birthday! LOL ~ Just kidding....but actually it would make a good money lesson when he his older...to present him with a fake bill and teach about the dangers of debt and interest.

    Now, I seriously have to go satisfy my sweet tooth!

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    1. MomCents,

      Fried dough is actually way better than churros in my book! I had that for the first time on a trip up to Portland and I think I was sold with the peanut butter that was smeared on top of it too.... Anyways, I'm sure sometime in the future I'll bribe him with something else and make him really work for it next time. Thanks for stopping by,

      -Zee

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  5. I have given several loans to friends throughout the years and currently a friend owes me $2500. The way I handle it may seem a bit much for some people, but I have a written, signed, and notarized contract. I discuss with them in the beginning how I do not allow money to come between my friendships so I treat it as a business transaction rather than a friendly loan. I hold this true for anything $100+ It has worked for me over the years and only once did I actually have to use the contract as pressure for payment (note to self: Don't lend money to a current boyfriend to throw a rave where he will "triple your money back"). Point is, I get my money back and it has only ever been an issue with partners, but the contracts came in handy. It was never the money that ruined the friendships, just the A-holes who I thought were friends. Side note: I don't let anyone drive my car who can't afford to buy me a new one.

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    1. The only time I lent out enough money to a friend to need to keep track of was when I was in a foreign country travelling with a friend. We had to buy plane tickets and under strange circumstances I had to put it all on my credit card (I wasn't going to navigate booking plane tickets over a foreign language website 2 times, I had enough trouble the first time). It ended up being fine without anything serious like a contract but that would have been a good idea if it were planned out in advance. It just happened to be one of those "travel by the seat of your pants" incidents.

      If I were lending out anything over $2k then I would definitely see the point of the contract.

      And the "triple your money back" sounds like a pretty sweet deal! How did a rave not make you your money back? Ha!

      Anyways, I'm glad the contract method works for you. I might consider that if it comes up in the future.

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